Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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