you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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