piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Randomize
