actually, I'm a sock model
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
