I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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