physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
