yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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