So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
