i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
