trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
