is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
