My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
