butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize