last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize