Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
this is an emotional support booty call
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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