never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
