Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
