New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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