you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
