this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
