just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
