Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
