I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
