you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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