If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i've created a new STD.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
