i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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