you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
