make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I checked into jail on foursquare
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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