I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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