Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
