I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize