I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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