there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
