dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I didn't notice because vodka
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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