OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
