in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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