totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
