you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
