his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
