i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
