K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize