I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
