her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need a beard to bite.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
