When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
