There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
