It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
