Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
