Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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