normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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