the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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