If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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