people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
