so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
