The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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