Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
