I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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