question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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