I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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