Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
