I accidentally burped into my bong.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
