Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
