Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize