Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
