so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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