Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
