C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
