singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
