He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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