The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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