My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
