last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
