Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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