Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
