we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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