i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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