when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
