The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Panties = found
Randomize
