It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize