i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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