What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
