Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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