Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
