I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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