she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
