you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
