Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize