so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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