sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
