What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
