Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
