i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
