He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
