Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
