I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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