I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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