Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
