This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
