Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
