I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
