fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
