____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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