I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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