I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
