I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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