walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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