Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My vagina is officially offended.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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