Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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