my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I touched a dick in church today
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
