Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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