saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
