Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize