I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
