Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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