There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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