i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Randomize
