just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
