How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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