There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
