we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
