wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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