Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am puke
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize