Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
