I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize